Trying to revive this blog. I haven't been doing much with this topic lately. But I have been asked to be on a panel this summer to talk about my parenting experiences with third culture kids. I'm really looking forward to it because we are going to look at some new angles that I don't think get addressed very much, at least not in the missions community.

Well, I'm saving this blog from being deleted. I had such high hopes for it at one time, I'll have to see if it is worth the saving.

Where are you from?

A couple of months ago we hosted two actors from a traveling drama group. I asked them both where they were from. One gave a clear answer, 'Dudley, England'. The other one, just didn't want to say and finally said, 'My parents live in Dudley.' I was curious about this, so later when the chance arose I asked him about where he had lived. Then it came out that his family had lived for 7 years in Canada.

My children also have the curious issue of not really knowing what to say when they are asked the question. I sometimes think it is really a question of what are they really asking? Do they really want to know it all. I remember taking my son Eliot to football practice. As I was walking back to the car I heard the the coach tell the kids to introduce themselves and tell each other 'where they were from'. I could hear Eliot telling the little boy across from him, 'my parents are american, my sister was born . . . my other sister was born in . . . and my parents . . . ' What an earful. He answered the question alright!

I guess it's such an emotive question because we link so much identity to places. But if you've grown up in several different cultures you don't have the same links as someone whose family has lived in the same place for generations. When people ask me where I'm from I have to remember that my accent has already betrayed me and is a clue to what is actually being asked. But for my children, they can simply answer, 'I live in Llandudno, but my family comes from America.' Because they have the local accent no one has a clue that they aren't really 'from here'.

What do you think? Do you have any great tips on helping children answer awkward questions that don't have clear simple answers?

Links added

Today I've added links to other internet sites having to do with 'mish kids' and their families. They are quite diverse--from places to order books to re-entry retreats to a place to report abuse. Check them out and let me know of any other places on the web that you find helpful.

A TCK Definition

If you're like me, at some point you couldn't remember what this term 'third culture kid' meant or you've wondered where it came from. In the 1950's, Drs. John and Ruth Hill Useem started using the term after studying expatriates in India. If you count the culture you grew up in as the first culture and then the culture you go to as the '2nd culture' you somehow arrive at the 'third culture'. This third culture is made up of the characteristics and patterns that come about when expatriates live together--kind of a mush of traditions and survival techniques. The catch is that you somehow take on these characteristics and they are recognizable even when you don't live together with other expats. Sooooo . . . a Third Culture Kid--TCK has spent a good chunk of the years between birth and 18 living in a culture other than that of his parents and he can relate to both cultures (possibly several cultures) but doesn't really own any--therefore the TCK tends to find the best sense of connection and grounding with others who have also grown up in a culturally nomadic lifestyle. That's my mom style definition--or you can read the 17 pages in chapter 2 of Third Culture Kids, by Pollock
:)

Hours in a Plane

How many hours of my life have I spent in a plane? This was the question our daughter presented at the evening meal a couple of weeks ago. It seems that in a science lesson they had been set the task of figuring out how much radiation they had received in their lifetime. One of the questions was how many hours on average had you spent on a plane each year. When our daughters answer was around the 10 hours per year average it was suddenly evident that there was something different about her!

In my experience of adjusting to cultures there are definitely times when I don't want to stand out. But often these times bring me face to face with the realities that my life is different I've now lived 20 years away from my home culture. One impact of this I've just learned is above average radiation exposure to my children!! And for our daughter this was an exercise that showed her that she was in a category all of her own. I'm sure some of her classmates have never been on a plane.

The Start

The idea for this blog has been in my head and heart for some time now. Thank you to those of you who have encouraged me and appologies to those same people for it taking so long. But today is the day it starts.

This idea of a blog page for parents who are raising their kids in a different culture than they grew up in will only work if there are several contributers and courageous parents willing to make comments and share struggles.

Some of the delay in starting has been from my fear of the technical challenges. How will I make links? How do I put in a book list? Can I add documents? What pictures do I put on a page like this? How do I add a counter? Should it be a closed or open blog? How do I get the news out? If you have answers to any of these questions, please contact me.

lets get going!